ahhh havent updated in ages.  i stopped volunteering  probably a week after my last post, since school was starting and i got a jOb!  that's why i haven't had time to write becuz i started my job and this is my 3rd week. ah it's been great.  its w/ star choice, so i'm pretty happy.  i get to wear nice work clothes everyday. hehe.

i still am going to teach.  i'm worried tho that because i'm not going to have any classroom time at all and i'm afraid that i won't get in because of it.  not enough volunteer time and involvement w/ kids.  *sigh.  applications came out today and their due dec 1st, which means i'm probably going to submit it before i leave for australia.  oh btw, my dates have changed.  i'm leaving toronto nov 27th, via manila until dec 11 and then off to live in aussie-land.  i can't wait to see my lovely hunn.

surprise.  havent written in ages, but that's cuz i haven't been to volunteer since a week and a half ago, when i got in to trouble cuz of the way i handled a sitch with one of the kids.  to be honest, that disheartened me a lil bit, only becuz i hate getting things wrong.  but i really am allowed to cut myself some slack becuz i don't know everything and i am learning.  i just hate getting in to trouble! its pooh.  so anyway, it was a discipline issue w/ one of the kids- brandon (another one, not one of my fave kids).  apparently he has adhd (of which i didn't know when the sitch happened) and i was pretty immature in handling the way that i wanted him to listen to me.  i had to tell him twice about something and so on the way home, i said to him that i didn't like the fact that he didn't listen to me, therefore i'm not going to sit next to him on the bus (he really wanted to sit next to me and 'booked' the busride home for that).  so that was kind of my punishment for him - kinda like, 'you didn't listen to me, therefore i'm not going to be ur friend anymore.'  anyway, i hurt his feelings and his mood changed the rest of the day.  so i got 'talked to' by the camp counsellor that i shouldn't be handling situations like that bah bah and if someone is misbehaving to just let either her or matthew know - which is so true. 

brandon did come to me later and apologized for not listening to me and booked another time to sit with me on the bus.  so that was kewl.  but ya, i felt pretty bad about it afterwards.. the funny thing is though, that i didn't feel bad about what i did, more for the fact that i got into trouble.  i dunno, i think what i did realize is that i am only a volunteer and i should let them handle situations like that.  it's pretty hard becuz i do feel like i'm so in there with the kids and don't hold back and stuff, cuz i'm not just there to babysit them!  i think this situation was a cross between me just levelling with them but also disciplining.  i probably should be more of an adult and an example?! =P

so this coming week is probably my last week of volunteer at summer camp.  i'm going to call up local elementary schools in the area and see if i could come in a few mornings and just sit in/help around in the classrooms. 

oh ya - I'M MOVING TO AUSTRALIA NOV 5TH!

i haven't updated in ages - gawrsh so much going on!  *hi to my luvly boyfriend, who actually comes here to read this stuff! =}*  i haven't been volunteering hardcore like before, cuz i've been going to my old job to do some part time work.  next week i'm going to try to do both on the same day, see how that goes =P.

it was great this week cuz one of the real pain-in-the-bum kids is away on holiday (anthony).  he's the 'there's-no-reasoning- with-him' kid and very very stubborn, a big whiner and makes RUDE jokes.  i think so far, this has been the biggest challenge for me - cuz i can't stand kids like that.  i feel like going up to their parents and giving them crap about how the hell their raising their kids.  i know, i know its extreme - but really?!  like how can kids become this annnnoooying?  like i try and be nice to him, give him priveleges and laugh at his jokes, give him a turn, etc but oh my goodness, nothing works.  i think i've to go to a child psychologist myself to know how to deal with such kids.  and then i try the 'extinction' method but no such luck; he's so in his own world; like he thinks he's justified in everything.  how would u deal with that?  anyway, that's anthony.  i actually have tried to seek out one sweet quality in him, but no such luck.  i remember when i first met him actually, and i thought he was a good kid.  this was early morning and he approached me and 2 other kids while we were looking at a picture book.  and one of the kids said, 'ewww i don't want him to be near me.' when i asked why is that, she said anthony kicked her in the neck.  and i couldnt believe it then cuz he looked like a pretty tame kid who'd just gotten out of bed.  but hey, its true - he's capable of kicking someone in the neck. 

this week the only most annoying kid is alex.  he's got a more mature sense of humor (he's got a 15 yr old bro) and he just yacks and yacks and yacks.  he never listens to me; i think it's cuz he knows i'm just a volunteer and doesn't consider me as an authority.  he stalks matthew everywhere and he's just plain annoying!  not in a naughty-like-anthony way, but becuz he just wants all the attention in the universe. 

ya so, this is what i'd eventually like to know how to do??? deal with naughty naughty kids.  i got an advice from one of my mom's friends who was a principal in the philippines and is now an elementary teacher, and she told me that one thing she's had to learn was be more lenient, because in the philippines, discipline is such a thing to do.  so well, how can you be lenient with kids who you just feel like whipping?!!!  (extreme again!)   

theres a new girl named carling and she can be a handful too.  she's only about 7/8 and you should hear the stuff she says about herself.  she's got the LOWEST self-esteem ever.  after she did her hand imprint on the collage we were doing yesty, she said 'i have the worst hand! mine is such a loser hand!' and man, she says all these negative things about herself all the time - in everything she does.  i encouraged her to join a bunch of kids playing skiprope, and she said 'i'm no good at skipping, i'm bad at that, etc etc.' just really putting herself down.  and then when she wanted to show me something and i said can you wait a minute, she walked away saying, 'i know it, u just dont want to be my friend, i'm such a loser.'  oh my goodness hey?!  like where does she even learn how to say that kinda stuff about herself.  i pulled her aside yesty and asked her questions like why she says things like that, and she said her 4 yr old bro always makes fun of her and says mean things to her.  i seriously doubt it!!! A 4-YR OLD?!!  no matter how much i assured her that she was special and that she shouldn't listen to her brother and that she should go by what she thinks about herself and not other people, she still kept on going on about how much she just wants to get back at her brother.  it really makes me wonder how kids end up that way.  like i feel sad thinking she already feels depressed about herself and she's going to go through all the stages in her life thinking she's that way.  this is one of those times when i feel like going to the parents and saying 'what the hell are you doing?!!!'      

i haven't totally given up on kids and really those two are the only extremely naughty ones - most of them are sweet normal kids.  one of them is lisa - she is such a sweetie.  she's the only one who calls matt, mr. matthew.  and yesty when we were doing finger painting, most of the kids where picking the colors that they wanted (and being whiners about it) and lisa said 'i don't really care what color i end up with; i would've really loved to have purple, but hey you can't always have everything you want, right?'  now THAT'S a good kid! hehehe... she seems quite mature for her age.  there's also a new girl - jade.  she's the youngest one (4½) and she is a shy cutie.  it's soo funny when i talk to her and ask her Q's, she like freezes!!!  hehehehhe she's just that shy.  and she's got this really funny throaty laugh and sounds like she speaks another language becuz she kinda slurs.  her mom is really super-duper protective.  i think i'm going to be like that too. 

okei, so far: 
* kids need individualized attention. 
* every kid has to be treated differently and the only way to know how to do this is to get to know each one.
* the good thing is that kids can be easily classified as they don't have complicated personalities yet. 
* and they can be understood better once you know their different circumstances and personalities.

need to learn more about:
*how to deal with naughty children!
*children with low self-esteem   

i learned a very important lesson today =P.  i was playing with brandon and i asked him to show me his karate moves, and he hesitated to begin with, but then he did and then he tried to kick me.  i was so surprised.  and the lesson is - nothing about violence!  he got in to so much trouble for trying to kick me so i guess now he must be mad at me cuz he didn't say g'bye before he left.  i found out later from matt and miss linda that the reason why they never bring up anything about fighting etc is first cuz it is bad, and second because some kids really go too far and they don't know when to stop.  brandon is one of those kids.  anyway, i don't feel too bad about it, since i don't know these kids' histories, but yai guess basically.. actually i don't know?  cuz really like i don't want to just be safe with them and not let them have fun, but at the same time, well are they going to know where to draw the line?  i was saying last time that i feel like they don't get to have that much fun, but i guess this is why- becuz some of them do take it too far.

another important lesson:  each kid is different.  i can't treat everyone the same.  well i can in some areas, but in some things, esp discipline, every kid has to be dealt with differently.  i guess that was the case with brandon - he was one of those kids who would just take it up a notch and i shouldn't have pushed those buttons in him.  anyway it's not like i've got the full picture now but that might be the biggest lesson i learn - and exactly how it's done.

so ya i skipped summer camp today since i had heaps of stuff to sort out.  i'm going tomorrow tho and we're going to the pool!  i'm gonna go in the water with the kiddies.

it was very cute yesterday when as soon as i got in to the room where all the kids were, brandon came up to me and showed off his new shoes that his mom bought.  he tried to reach for the top of my head saying, they even make me taller. =}  those little things are rewarding to me.  it made me feel good that brandon got up from playing and actually went up to me to say hi, if only to show off his new shoes.  it makes me wonder whether that is what is so appealing to me becoming a teacher - just being liked by the kids and having their respect.  i mean, i'd hate it if i was limiting myself to that, but it made me think about it cuz i do feel good when the kids come up to me and talk to me and tell me funny things or even ask me stuff. 

i am starting to really like the children though - i know at the beginning i found some of them a bit annoying and i still do, but miss linda was right that they are good kids.  i like the way they think... like this boy nicholas (the chubster) - he came up to me and told me (in the middle of the game) that brandon didn't ask permission to go to the washroom (he did though, nick just didnt hear him ask me).  it made me wonder what would make nicholas take his attention away from his game and see brandon walking out and then come and tell me. 

i don't really know yet what i want to get out of this?  am i waiting to discover something about being a teacher?  i hope so - i need to write a killer experience porftolio!  i think though that i would definitely like to try a classroom setting - i still feel strongly about the fact that these kids would be different if they were learning something - not just playing all the time.